stillness of your overwhelming thoughts

As much as I don’t know what your pain is like
- you don’t know mine at all -
”It’s not that bad, it’ll be ok”, you say
- and try to smile at me so that I know
you’re trying hard to understand,
”I hear and see
that this is harder on your heart,
I wanna show you but I can’t.”

But I, I need the words
- the subtleties of your expression
You know I feel,
I feel all of yours as long as you just speak to me
I see you seeing me,
trying to see if there’s another step getting closer
Up the hill
or down the beach
where the birds are
spectacle,
where you seem free and real,
where you sense the sea, the lights,
maybe the same as me

Craving human touch
Eating pussy for breakfast, dinner, lunch
Sharing all the laughs you’ve got
just for making me feel luck

You don’t have
what my brain tells me
I need and must have much
but I’m fighting
- roughly, toughly, with all Kraft
the moonqueen with bare hands
willing, strongly cutting out not Snow White’s
but her own heart

Every second precious
also when your mouth is shut
While I’m tearing out these words
I think I do it to make up
for moments I had squashed
your world
but also for my self-respect
- a reminder that I’m different
but enough

Biting off the blame like the lions that I trust
It’s a release, relief, and still
the luxury pain which I can quiet down
To you, it seems to me,
you can’t escape
- the stillness of your overwhelming thoughts -